as even broken hearts may have their doubts

You don't have to like something, you just have to learn to accept it. If it's not what you would do or it's not how you were brought up- I mean that's your opinion ; other people are gonna have theirs. Sometimes you have to put aside your opinion for something and see it from the different points. There's no need to make others miserable because you don't like something that they did. If it's what someone wants, learn to accept it- grow to like it, even. But don't not give something a chance.

So many things you wished I knew

Lemme start of by saying I LOVELOVELOVE Taylor Swift's new album <3 It's friggin' fantastic.
"The Story of Us" really gets me. You know how you can just listen to some songs and instantly connect them with something from your life? Yeah.. all of her music is like that. Especially that song. It fits perfectly.

My mom left me at school yesterday. That's parenting at it's finest, folks. And she didn't have time to come back and get me.. wtf.


OH. And why do some people sit there and be nice to your face and not so much behind your back? Everyone does it once and a while.. But if you don't like the person- don't play all fake nice. Be real. And if you wanna say how "real" you are and how you don't talk about people.. shut up. There's no way you've never not talked about someone.


I GET MY RESTRICTED SOON, WHOOP WHOOP.
- tumbling in a few minutes for the first time in three weeks.. this should be interesting.

hellllllur!

Today was actually a good day so far! I'm really happy about that. I fell asleep at seven last night haha and I slept till midnight and I went back to sleep around two-ish. So I caught up on a lot of sleep, which put me in a good mood. AND- it was cookie day :D - and then I stopped by work for a little bit after school and helped out! 

Okaay, so I don't get why guys have to sit there and constantly talk to multiple girls, and have more lined up. It's really ridiculous and it's not right. I mean, if you want the reputation of a player, go right ahead- otherwise cut that shit out. No one wants to get played like that. And if you wanna lie to the girls and say you're only talking to them ; wow. That shit's ridiculous. 

it's almost here baby

i could seriously fall apart right now. i don't know what's happening to me. i sleep six or seven hours a day and i feel like i never sleep.

so what i don't get it why parent's always have to be in the middle of EVERYTHING. i mean i understand that they are the parental figure and they're supposed to watch out for us and help us out when we need it, and that's perfectly fine- but then you get to the point where they don't know when to back off and let you solve the problem for yourself. we have to learn from our mistakes or we're going to keep making the same mistakes. things that that tend to repeat when you don't learn.
- and when your parent sits there and gets in the middle of everything you do and asks SO many questions, and tell you what you need to do ; that's just akjsda;sjkd. if you want to tell them what's going on, that's YOUR choice. you don't have to tell them every little thing. it doesn't affect them, it's not their life. they're gonna worry, but that's what parents do. i mean, whatever happens to you affects the way you act sometimes- and that affects the people around you. but it doesn't directly impact their life. if you don't tell someone something, there's obviously a reason.
i mean, damn. i think i'm done for now.


today was asdjaslkdad. - it was too early to deal with anyone first block, i slept through my whole third block till the belll, and last block my teacher told my mom about me skipping friday. SO. but after school was betta' =]

GET BIG!

oh, this weekend has been... different. I partied it up, snuck in, had fun, had things fall apart.. - you name it, it's probably gone down.
I don't know where to even start. I have so much going through my mind it's not even funny. I want to sleep for days, or at least catch up on all the sleep I missed this weekend.

make it through the fall, make it through it all

I love naps. So today pretty much sucked, but I got chick fil a for lunch! <3
Ah, so in spanish we were talking about hobbies and how to say everything and we kept coming up with more stuff and then Megan goes "how do you say tanning!?" and then Mrs Whitehouse was like 'that is NOT a hobby, it's something you do' and I told her it's definitely a hobby because if you don't like it you don't do it. ...and then she yelled at. Like alllllways. I'm her favorite I guess ;)

I could listen to Drake allllll day. I'm going back to sleep

today didn't get better. skipped third block. last block was actually decent. i really like dancing. it clears my mind and makes me focus on something else, it's nice. i reactivated my facebook, i'm too addicted. i got my hair did! and i like it; it's dark, but still. <3

history homework, then sleeeeeep..

/

So how about today is not my day. At all.
I woke up late and then my mom decides it's a good idea to start bitching at me about everything, knowing I'm in a bad mood and trying to get ready. So, I got in this fucking HUGE fight with my mom.... And then I get to first block and the teacher tells me that I have five journal entries due tomorrow that we're supposed to already have but she never told us. Plus I have 40 people to know to figure out who they are. And then second block I got yelled at of course. I mean what's new. And at lunch the friggin lunch lady tried to tell me I had no money in my account when I JUST put money in there! So no food or lemonade for me >.< I have SO much homework tonight... But I'm getting my huuur did :)!

I wanna go home and go to sleep though for a long time though.. Gah.

*

What bullshit. I don't have anything else to say. It's sad when you can't trust someone that much. I really did consider you a good friend.

and hey sweetie, i need you here tonight...

stupidity.
everyone does something stupid and everyone makes mistakes, and you know - it's alright to make mistakes. as long as you're learning from them in the end. that's the important part. but when people sit there and make the same mistakes over and over and over again- that's the point of stupidity. it frustrates me SO bad. i mean usually when you do something wrong or bad, you learn from it the first time or two and you know what to do different. it's not that hard to get it through your head, usually. and when it could really affect your future.. asdklajsdl. your gonna end up throwing a part of your life away and later on, wish you could have done something different. but then maybe you won't have that choice anymore. think about it that way. i've done some stuff that i wish i could erase like crazy- but then i know some of it's affected me in a good way and made things better for me now. but then there's those "what if..." things.


BUT. today's been pretty good so far. we got to eat and talk allll first block for our 'salon' and then spanish was okay- I DIDN'T GET YELLED AT TODAY! :D and then i'm doing nothing in third block. like alwaaaays. and then dance and dress shoppppping!  - but more lataa'.

 <--- i really miss this..

i said hold up, she said she just playinnn

I haven't been home all weekend and when I do finally get home of course my internet wouldn't be working. So I had to figure out how to fix it and I did :) !

I don't really have anything to vent about really right now... I had a good weekend. I got to see Jordan, Morgan, Justin and alll my friends. It was pretty great. Of course I got yelled at when I got home ; what's new. I didn't have to work. I went bowlinggg, I hung out with my best friend, I stayed outta my house.

I'm so tired. I'm so glad I have friends like I do - they've helped me out so much this past year.
... I really don't have anything else to add right now :p

things will never be the same

today i went to the fair.

today i also realized how much things can altogether change without you noticing it all at first.

i hate change. i've never liked it at all. and someone told me once that i didn't deal with change and i tried to ignore it and i told that person they didn't know what they were talking about. but now that i think back... - i hate change. i hate thinking that things could be SO entirely different in a matter of days, weeks, months, etc. and when you're in a situation and things are slowly changing, you don't realize how different things are until there's a drastic change. by the time you realize the change that was happening, welll... sometimes there isn't something you can do. you have to let it happen. and find a way to accept it; be okay with it.

in the end, change can either be bad or good. and that's your call on however it affects you, ya know?

i'm way too addicted to this.. <- click it.

BUT. today was good. <3
fair, friends, food; oh yesss.

as i bleed my heart out to show, and i won't let go.

sad songs = <3
spanish 2 midterm tomorrow = oh shit.
me = tired x 234349238.

i hatehatehatehate cleaning. i'm never home. according to my daddy, it's not "my" house - so why do i have to clean up my sister's mess? UGH. but anyways ; i can't wait to go to the fair tomorrow! :D oh my gosh, it's gonna be funnnn.
i successfully put my contacts in for the first time in about a year today! hahah.


i think i'm going to sleep. too much fake happy ; need more sleep.. and ice cream.



i don't feel myself at ALL today. hopefully tomorrow will be better..

everytime

Some things about me.

1. I have no tolerance for bullshit.

2. I'm almost always in some kind of trouble with my parents.

3. My door's broken from slamming it and getting it taken so much.. Weird, I know.

4. I get told a lot that I look older than I am.

5. I'm above the influence now.

6. I'm proud of that ^

7. I'm not trying to hide my past.

8. I would rather you tell me the truth, whatever that might be.

9. I love lil wayne <3

10. I'm SO incredibly indecisive.

11. I'm lazy as hell.

12. I have pop-tarts under my bed at all times.. :p

13. I like buying stuff.

14. I can't cook whatsoever.

15. I like flicking lighters, haha.

16. I weighed 87 pounds in February...

17. Your first love affects the rest of your life in some way.

18. I miss modeling.

19. I miss cheerleading SO much.

20. I hate cleaning my room up.

21. It amazes me how much people can change in such little time.

22. I've done some stuff I'm not nessicarily proud of.

23. There's only one major thing I'd change from my past.

24. I could sleep for years.

25. I can be the biggest bitch in the world.

26. I need to stop letting people walk all over me.

27. I just started getting an idea of what I want to do when I graduate.

28. I'm addicted to my blackberry <3

29. I don't think I'm better than anyone else.

30. I don't laugh as much as I used to..

31. I miss the way some things used to be.

32. I drifted away from so many people in the last year and I'm trying to fix it now ; it's hard.

33. I don't hate anyone.

34. Some bitches are just stupid. 

35. I can rap to almost all of Nicki Minaj's raps.

36. I love adtr and mayday parade <3

37. There's only a handful of songs that can make me cry.

38. I'm really emotional sometimes.

39. I need to learn to stop talking sometimes.

40. I need to learn to let go.

41. My dad has a mustache hahahaha.

42. I work at sonic.

43. I was born in Jersey and I want to go back sometime within the next year.

44. I get judged a lot.

45. I've given up on a lot and it makes me sad.

ashdkasdjasdjsa;ld. sometimes i don't even know what to do anymore. everything's so confusing ; i say that so much. but sometimes i just want to sit and cry and give up... - that sounds so pathetic,  i know but frankly i don't care. people can only take so much before they reach their breaking point. i just keep looking forward and hoping.  

and now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything

I hate thinking back on how much has changed and how much can't be the same anymore. But at the same time, it's a good thing. Things in your life go away and change so that newer things can happen. If everything in life went exactly how you wanted it too and nothing changed- everything was perfect ; you wouldn't have the 'thrill' of living. You'd already know what was going to happen. Things are always gonna change no matter how much you try and get them to stay the same. You can cry and wish all you want for this or for that- but just because you want it doesn't mean it's going to happen. And in the end, it's the memories of has beens that hurt the most. You can be sad over things that don't go as you want, but you can't let that control your life and how you act.

I know I did that for way too long.

Monster, monster.

7:57pm.
Okaaay. So I know this kinda goes back on something I said yesterday, but still.
I was at tumbling tonight, and when I was stretching there were these two little girls - maybe 9 or 10 ; they sat there and talked about this third girl who's in the class because she was excited about her tumbling. But there they sit, trash talking away right in front of this girl. And today in dance, Miss Pratt had to talk to the class because some people just sit there and talk about everyone else. I mean, what's the point in it? You can talk shit all you want, but all that's gonna happen is someone's gonna get their feelings hurt. It's most likely not gonna change the person.
But if those girls were six or seven years younger and they're talking mad shit - what are they gonna be like when they're in high school..? It's awful.

I know everyone talks shit once in a while, it's human nature. And you're a liar if you say you've never done it. But it doesn't need to be to the point where that's ALL you do.

-

ANYWAYS - today was nothing to great. But it was good :)
I'm excited for homecoming tomorrow! asjdajsajksd :D - and going out aftaaa'.

-

And on another note ;
It's really starting to hit me lately how much the choices you make really do affect your life. Sometimes change isn't the worst thing that could happen. Honestly, it's probably one of the better things...

"Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it." - gaga <3

..and fly away.

11:20-
tired... don't feel good... I wanna go home. I don't like this class and I wanna sleep. hshdjjdjdk.

more later. lunch soon!

8:32pm-

askdhaskjdkljs. today wasn't half bad. my dad's being immature as crap. i don't see the point in it. sooner or later someone's going to be the bigger person and it's not going to matter. that's why i don't get the point in drama. it's gonna get worked out in the end. it's stupid and pointless in the first place. and of course lugoff is FULL of drama. i want to get away... go somewhere new, try something else- start over. i don't even know.

i'mSOglad- i don't have to work this weekend! .. it's gonna be prettttty sweet :)

as kayla would say, today was pretty 'pissy'. she's convinced it means fun the way she uses it. SO. hahah.

and we know it's never simple, never easy.

I hate arguing. With such a great passion. It seems like I can never get away from it anymore. Whether it's my parents, or who knows - it's always there. My dad doesn't know when to stop. He has to keep pushing me and pushing me and getting the last word in. I'm supposed to learn from him and my mom, but he doesn't set a good example.. I really just want to be old enough to get out of here and to where they can't tell me what to do. I want out of Lugoff, I want to go someplace new. But I'd miss everyone too much. I don't even know what I want sometimes, anymore. Everything's so confusing and every decision I make, has so much else to think about behind it. Nothing's simple like it used to be. Nothing's easy.
All I want to do is sleep and eat. It's aksdkasjdj.

But whatever. I'm about to lay down, text, watch a movie and have some cheesecake.
More later. Maybe.



<3

You know.

So, I had my old blog on here and I haven't been on in a really long time so when I tried to long in, I didn't know any of my login stuff. And now, I have a new blog :)


I don't really have a lot to say. It's late, or early. Whichever.

I'm tired of always getting in trouble with my parents. I try and stop it, I try and control my temper - but it never seems to work out. I always break and get in trouble. And I have no door as a result. It's pretty ghetto.

I miss cheerleading.
I miss how things used to be.
I miss summertime.
I miss everything being easy.
- There's just way too much I miss right now to even get started.

But I really do hate how much things really have changed. I know I've changed, and everyone does. But things used to be so simple. It was just like this simple happiness all the time from everything. And the older I get, the harder it is to be happy sometimes. I stay busy, and I get stressed. A lot. Somethings, though... aksdjals;d.


Hahaha, today was national "give becky day"! I thought that was funny ;p

But overallll, today was pretty damn gooood. <3