.

i love this record baby, but i can't see straight anymore

Sometimes we are faced with a decision or choice to make. And you have to think through all your options and decide what the right choice is. Sometimes, that choice is an easy one to make- and others, it requires a lot because a lot of things will change with whatever choice you make. In the end, the choice might not have been the right one that you make- but it is YOUR choice to make and good things still might come from it.


Whenever you go through a relationship and two people break up, it changes you. Like the ways you act with other people. You can be hurt, among many things. And you can be scared for what might happen in the future. You might be scared to let people get close to you- past a certain point. But you can't let that keep you from being happy. Or from trying, realllly trying to be with someone. You have to give in and give it a try.


"Open your heart and your mind to me." - gaga.  

do you ever feel like a plastic bag?

So I have less than an hour until it's officially my birthday and everyone always has that one thing that they want for their birthday, right? Well the one thing I want, is out of my reach. It's one of those things I just can't have it seems like.You can wish and hope for something with everything you've got, but that doesn't mean you're going to end up getting it in the end. That's a life lesson right there.

You can never say never.

When you're put in a bad situation, aren't the people who truly care about you supposed to be the ones that are there for you the most? Family is the one thing that is always supposed to be there for you, no matter what.. and close friends are right behind that. That's the way I thought it was supposed to be. That those people help you through the tough times, and when you get past the situation- you get to be stronger as a person.

Sometimes enough is enough and everyone gets to that point where they can't keep doing the same things that they've been doing. You just have to decide what comes next.

Things are falling apart left and right. Sometimes the only thing to do is pray for things to get better.

you would do it too

So happy. <3
Birthday's in 10 days.- Get ready!

I really don't have a whole lot to say other than I love days like today.
Great weekend. I can't wait for : dance performance, my birthday, Christmas!


Be thankful for the good moments in life.

stupid stupid stupid

One confession.
I'm scared I'm gonna mess this up.


Sometimes you find something out and it's like a slap in the face. Hi, past two days. I'm so past emotionally tired. I'm slacking so bad. No makeup Tuesdays? Try no makeup alll week it seems. I need coffee so bad. Bring me coffee right now and I'll love you forever. Caramel mocha Java Chiller!

don't f*ck with me at all, 'cause i'm twisted like an a rubik's cube

MONDAY.
So, have I mentioned how unhappy I am to be back at school? Oh, well I am. I could have been sleeping in like I did most of break, but NO. I have to get woken up at six, not get up till seven and have 20 minutes to get ready. Not to mention, I didn't get to sleep till late last night. I had a rough night- fersure. And then I get here and I have to sit in my first block for almost two hours with the teacher pissing me the fuck off. I am not a morning person. Gah. And I look like a straight up BUM. But me and Shelley are presenting our small group dance in last block today finally! And I got some things straightened up, and I'm gonna have a nice pay check next week! 20 hours worth of paycheck! :)
- & powderpuff game tonight! Aw.

I've been looking at clothes allllll day online and I completely didn't listen in spanish two today. So little patience.


Three things guys do you love.
1. walk up behind you and give you a hug
2. know how to make me laugh
3. understand when to just let you talk (esp if you're upset, etc..)


TUESDAY.
I need to not be so slack with this. I'm tired. I don't want to be at school. I'm upset-ish. And my tummy hurts.

Two smileys. 
=)
<3

You ever get in one of those moods where you want to do nothing but hug someone? Because you know it'll make you feel better. Yeah... I feel like that right about now. I want a great big hug. I haven't cried in so long. I guess that's a sign that I've gotten stronger and I don't let things get to me as easily. But crying doesn't mean you're weak. Sometimes you've just gotta let it allll out. And that can make you stronger for being able to let it  all out, ya know? I just want to go home and go to sleep. But I want a hug first..


After school : Walmart with Shelley! <3 and then we're going running, hahahaha :)

'Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst

Four things that guys do you hate.
1. play with a girl's heart
2. treat girls like a piece of meat
3. ignore you
4. flirt with EVERY girl



My birthday is almost here, thank goodnessss! I can't wait till I can work nights at work and then I'll have more free time for myself and my friends and to make plans. I miss my best friend. I don't ever get to see her anymore.. </3 I hate living in the middle of nowhere. I hate how cold it is outside. I hate any weather under like 70 degrees pretty much, but I love my Uggs. But still- I'd rather be at the beach. I don't want to go on vacation the week on Christmas. I hate how ridiculous my parents can be sometimes. I don't like dogs one bit... But I love chihuahuas. Weird, right? I need new jeans and it's pissing me off my mom won't buy them for me. My sister gets everything she wants, but I don't hardly ever get anything anymore. I want my restricted SO bad.. I work for everything I get. I don't take things for granted anymore. People don't have such a big influence over things I do anymore, either. I've made bad choices in the past, but that's changing. Thank god for being happy <3

Things change, people change; embrace it- there's a reason. We're gonna look back on our high school years once we've graduated and you're gonna remember how much has changed and you'll see how you've changed too. Out of some of this change, the best things will happen. - and I'm starting to see that.

Let's get lost together

Five people who mean a lot. (no particular orderrr)
1- Jordan Erickson
2- Anna Thompson
3- Matt Dylewski
4- Shelley Groves!
5- Whitley Kelly

--

Girls are so catty. I don't get why everything is such a HUGE deal. Somethings I can understand someone making a big deal out of. But when it's not that big of a deal- why make it into one? I mean if you want everyone to know alllla' your business and think they know you... Cool. Keep somethings to yourself.


On another note.. it feels good to be happy again. No lie. I love this feeling- a lot. <3
You know when you've been through a whole lot and it's a lot of stress and pain and then you start to get to that happy place again and things start turning around? Yeah- that's where I am. I love constantly smiling and asjdasjdlad! I don't know how to explain it. But it sure is great.

Sleep now. Work tomorrow... again.

i lucille ball, bitch i love lucy !

Eight ways to/things that piss me off?
1. lie to my face
2. talk crap about my family
3. act like you're better than someone else
4. act stupid on purpose
5. when you can't back your shit up
6. drink my drink without asking
7. mess with people i care about
8. people who mess with other people's hearts

AND.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
1. gotta check my phone
2. Matt :)
3. musicccc
4. I'm thirsty/hungry!
5. you're about to piss me off
6. I'm cold
7. I want it to be summertime


... &!


Six things you wish you'd never done..
1. started slacking off in school
2. started making stupid choices
3. quit taking things as seriously
4. lied to my parents over and over and over..
5. took as long as I did to learn somethings
6. acted the way I have with my family

i-i-i'm ready for it

Nine things about me.
1- I wish I could move from South Carolina, but I know I'd miss it here.
2- I can't stand cold weather, but I love hoodies and Uggs.
3- my first block class constantly pisses me off.
4- I'd rather have this class for the rest of this year, then have my next semester classes.
5- I wish I was shorter.
6- I eat like there's no tomorrow.
7- I hate when people assume I'm stupid; I have a 4.0 gpa.
8- I have a little sister.
9- I'm very blunt.


This year has been so different from last year. In middle school, they told us everything would change when we got to high school. Last year I saw that a little bit, but it's really hit hard this year. My whole group of friends has grown apart pretty much. A few of us are still close, but I've made new friends. And I've changed too.
The things you do will make or break your reputation.

Sometimes you've gotta do what makes you happpy. I plan on having fun over break and doing what I want. Thank god for no school the rest of the week =]

you wanna see some ass? i wanna see some cash.

I figured, why not? I got this from Clay, by the way.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four things that girls do that you hate.
Day Eight: Three things that girls do that you love.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


DAY1.
1: Seriously, I miss you so much. I never see you anymore. I'm always working or you have plans already. I miss our conversations and how we always used to be there for each other & stay up talking ALLLL night. You're forever my best friend, no matter what happens. <3
2: God you've changed. I don't know you anymore at all. I never would have imagined this was possible.
3: I never would have thought we'd be good friends. I was kinda worried about having a class with you, actually. But I'm glad we have our dance talks like we do. You're sucha' sweetheart and when you get mad- the things you saaaay! (I don't know how to make that little face we do in dance on here :p)
4: We've gotten so incredibly close this year. You're one of my absolute best friends. You're hilarious and you know how to brighten the mood. Thank god for spanish 3 together next semester. And breaking into Oprah's house.. ;) thanks for everything. I love youuuu! <333
5: I'm sorry.
6: I like how I can talk to you about my problems now and how much better we get along now. Even though you're an ass sometimes and we deff haven't always been on the best of terms- you're a good listener. I'm always here for you.
7: You're such a creeper. asfjalkjdaskd. It doesn't take 52 texts to get the hint...
8: We've grown apart so much. We have such completely different views now it seems. We were super close at the end of freshman year and what's happened? We're wrapped up in our own things and it just sucks. I miss your advice.
9: I don't know about you. Something seems fishy.
10: bb <3 'nuff said. 

i just wanna' be successful.

and this is why i hate this class. i miss one day and the teacher expects me to have the work we did yesterday when it wasn't online. she won't shut the fuck up. and it's pissing me offffff. i hate teachers like this. and now i have to come tuesday after school? oh no.. i don't think sooo.

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP, FINALLY :D
- and i can't wait for tonight. 3:15 can't come fast enough!

i put her on the train- lil engine could ; BITCH

Karma has a way of finding its way around. That's all I gotta say.

the lingering question, kept me up

I hate feeling like I have to hide my emotions as much as I do. It gets to be SO stressful.. And there's just certain things that I could do without having to know about. I hate how immature people can be about somethings. I hate how some people can do something, and not think twice about it- like it doesn't bother them at all. Some people just piss me off. If you know when to stop, then there's not a problem. But if you have to keep going and going for whatever reason- then wow. Are we really still in third grade? Grow up. I hate how I feel like crying sometimes at the littlest things.
I hate how some people just don't get the hint. Obviously, if there wasn't a reply the first 49 times- there's probably not gonna be one when you send text # 50.
I hate how stressful this year has gotten. I hate how bad the drama has gotten. I thought the older you get, the more it calms down and gets easier. We're supposed to get more mature with time.. so why does everyone keep acting like middle schoolers still. I know I can be immature at times, but other people... sheesh.




I can't wait to get away for my birthday.. <3
- 35 more days!



I'm so glad I got my phone back at least and I'm getting back in shape!

fuck yeahhh

WEEZY'S FREE <3

as even broken hearts may have their doubts

You don't have to like something, you just have to learn to accept it. If it's not what you would do or it's not how you were brought up- I mean that's your opinion ; other people are gonna have theirs. Sometimes you have to put aside your opinion for something and see it from the different points. There's no need to make others miserable because you don't like something that they did. If it's what someone wants, learn to accept it- grow to like it, even. But don't not give something a chance.

So many things you wished I knew

Lemme start of by saying I LOVELOVELOVE Taylor Swift's new album <3 It's friggin' fantastic.
"The Story of Us" really gets me. You know how you can just listen to some songs and instantly connect them with something from your life? Yeah.. all of her music is like that. Especially that song. It fits perfectly.

My mom left me at school yesterday. That's parenting at it's finest, folks. And she didn't have time to come back and get me.. wtf.


OH. And why do some people sit there and be nice to your face and not so much behind your back? Everyone does it once and a while.. But if you don't like the person- don't play all fake nice. Be real. And if you wanna say how "real" you are and how you don't talk about people.. shut up. There's no way you've never not talked about someone.


I GET MY RESTRICTED SOON, WHOOP WHOOP.
- tumbling in a few minutes for the first time in three weeks.. this should be interesting.

hellllllur!

Today was actually a good day so far! I'm really happy about that. I fell asleep at seven last night haha and I slept till midnight and I went back to sleep around two-ish. So I caught up on a lot of sleep, which put me in a good mood. AND- it was cookie day :D - and then I stopped by work for a little bit after school and helped out! 

Okaay, so I don't get why guys have to sit there and constantly talk to multiple girls, and have more lined up. It's really ridiculous and it's not right. I mean, if you want the reputation of a player, go right ahead- otherwise cut that shit out. No one wants to get played like that. And if you wanna lie to the girls and say you're only talking to them ; wow. That shit's ridiculous. 

it's almost here baby

i could seriously fall apart right now. i don't know what's happening to me. i sleep six or seven hours a day and i feel like i never sleep.

so what i don't get it why parent's always have to be in the middle of EVERYTHING. i mean i understand that they are the parental figure and they're supposed to watch out for us and help us out when we need it, and that's perfectly fine- but then you get to the point where they don't know when to back off and let you solve the problem for yourself. we have to learn from our mistakes or we're going to keep making the same mistakes. things that that tend to repeat when you don't learn.
- and when your parent sits there and gets in the middle of everything you do and asks SO many questions, and tell you what you need to do ; that's just akjsda;sjkd. if you want to tell them what's going on, that's YOUR choice. you don't have to tell them every little thing. it doesn't affect them, it's not their life. they're gonna worry, but that's what parents do. i mean, whatever happens to you affects the way you act sometimes- and that affects the people around you. but it doesn't directly impact their life. if you don't tell someone something, there's obviously a reason.
i mean, damn. i think i'm done for now.


today was asdjaslkdad. - it was too early to deal with anyone first block, i slept through my whole third block till the belll, and last block my teacher told my mom about me skipping friday. SO. but after school was betta' =]

GET BIG!

oh, this weekend has been... different. I partied it up, snuck in, had fun, had things fall apart.. - you name it, it's probably gone down.
I don't know where to even start. I have so much going through my mind it's not even funny. I want to sleep for days, or at least catch up on all the sleep I missed this weekend.

make it through the fall, make it through it all

I love naps. So today pretty much sucked, but I got chick fil a for lunch! <3
Ah, so in spanish we were talking about hobbies and how to say everything and we kept coming up with more stuff and then Megan goes "how do you say tanning!?" and then Mrs Whitehouse was like 'that is NOT a hobby, it's something you do' and I told her it's definitely a hobby because if you don't like it you don't do it. ...and then she yelled at. Like alllllways. I'm her favorite I guess ;)

I could listen to Drake allllll day. I'm going back to sleep

today didn't get better. skipped third block. last block was actually decent. i really like dancing. it clears my mind and makes me focus on something else, it's nice. i reactivated my facebook, i'm too addicted. i got my hair did! and i like it; it's dark, but still. <3

history homework, then sleeeeeep..

/

So how about today is not my day. At all.
I woke up late and then my mom decides it's a good idea to start bitching at me about everything, knowing I'm in a bad mood and trying to get ready. So, I got in this fucking HUGE fight with my mom.... And then I get to first block and the teacher tells me that I have five journal entries due tomorrow that we're supposed to already have but she never told us. Plus I have 40 people to know to figure out who they are. And then second block I got yelled at of course. I mean what's new. And at lunch the friggin lunch lady tried to tell me I had no money in my account when I JUST put money in there! So no food or lemonade for me >.< I have SO much homework tonight... But I'm getting my huuur did :)!

I wanna go home and go to sleep though for a long time though.. Gah.

*

What bullshit. I don't have anything else to say. It's sad when you can't trust someone that much. I really did consider you a good friend.

and hey sweetie, i need you here tonight...

stupidity.
everyone does something stupid and everyone makes mistakes, and you know - it's alright to make mistakes. as long as you're learning from them in the end. that's the important part. but when people sit there and make the same mistakes over and over and over again- that's the point of stupidity. it frustrates me SO bad. i mean usually when you do something wrong or bad, you learn from it the first time or two and you know what to do different. it's not that hard to get it through your head, usually. and when it could really affect your future.. asdklajsdl. your gonna end up throwing a part of your life away and later on, wish you could have done something different. but then maybe you won't have that choice anymore. think about it that way. i've done some stuff that i wish i could erase like crazy- but then i know some of it's affected me in a good way and made things better for me now. but then there's those "what if..." things.


BUT. today's been pretty good so far. we got to eat and talk allll first block for our 'salon' and then spanish was okay- I DIDN'T GET YELLED AT TODAY! :D and then i'm doing nothing in third block. like alwaaaays. and then dance and dress shoppppping!  - but more lataa'.

 <--- i really miss this..

i said hold up, she said she just playinnn

I haven't been home all weekend and when I do finally get home of course my internet wouldn't be working. So I had to figure out how to fix it and I did :) !

I don't really have anything to vent about really right now... I had a good weekend. I got to see Jordan, Morgan, Justin and alll my friends. It was pretty great. Of course I got yelled at when I got home ; what's new. I didn't have to work. I went bowlinggg, I hung out with my best friend, I stayed outta my house.

I'm so tired. I'm so glad I have friends like I do - they've helped me out so much this past year.
... I really don't have anything else to add right now :p

things will never be the same

today i went to the fair.

today i also realized how much things can altogether change without you noticing it all at first.

i hate change. i've never liked it at all. and someone told me once that i didn't deal with change and i tried to ignore it and i told that person they didn't know what they were talking about. but now that i think back... - i hate change. i hate thinking that things could be SO entirely different in a matter of days, weeks, months, etc. and when you're in a situation and things are slowly changing, you don't realize how different things are until there's a drastic change. by the time you realize the change that was happening, welll... sometimes there isn't something you can do. you have to let it happen. and find a way to accept it; be okay with it.

in the end, change can either be bad or good. and that's your call on however it affects you, ya know?

i'm way too addicted to this.. <- click it.

BUT. today was good. <3
fair, friends, food; oh yesss.

as i bleed my heart out to show, and i won't let go.

sad songs = <3
spanish 2 midterm tomorrow = oh shit.
me = tired x 234349238.

i hatehatehatehate cleaning. i'm never home. according to my daddy, it's not "my" house - so why do i have to clean up my sister's mess? UGH. but anyways ; i can't wait to go to the fair tomorrow! :D oh my gosh, it's gonna be funnnn.
i successfully put my contacts in for the first time in about a year today! hahah.


i think i'm going to sleep. too much fake happy ; need more sleep.. and ice cream.



i don't feel myself at ALL today. hopefully tomorrow will be better..

everytime

Some things about me.

1. I have no tolerance for bullshit.

2. I'm almost always in some kind of trouble with my parents.

3. My door's broken from slamming it and getting it taken so much.. Weird, I know.

4. I get told a lot that I look older than I am.

5. I'm above the influence now.

6. I'm proud of that ^

7. I'm not trying to hide my past.

8. I would rather you tell me the truth, whatever that might be.

9. I love lil wayne <3

10. I'm SO incredibly indecisive.

11. I'm lazy as hell.

12. I have pop-tarts under my bed at all times.. :p

13. I like buying stuff.

14. I can't cook whatsoever.

15. I like flicking lighters, haha.

16. I weighed 87 pounds in February...

17. Your first love affects the rest of your life in some way.

18. I miss modeling.

19. I miss cheerleading SO much.

20. I hate cleaning my room up.

21. It amazes me how much people can change in such little time.

22. I've done some stuff I'm not nessicarily proud of.

23. There's only one major thing I'd change from my past.

24. I could sleep for years.

25. I can be the biggest bitch in the world.

26. I need to stop letting people walk all over me.

27. I just started getting an idea of what I want to do when I graduate.

28. I'm addicted to my blackberry <3

29. I don't think I'm better than anyone else.

30. I don't laugh as much as I used to..

31. I miss the way some things used to be.

32. I drifted away from so many people in the last year and I'm trying to fix it now ; it's hard.

33. I don't hate anyone.

34. Some bitches are just stupid. 

35. I can rap to almost all of Nicki Minaj's raps.

36. I love adtr and mayday parade <3

37. There's only a handful of songs that can make me cry.

38. I'm really emotional sometimes.

39. I need to learn to stop talking sometimes.

40. I need to learn to let go.

41. My dad has a mustache hahahaha.

42. I work at sonic.

43. I was born in Jersey and I want to go back sometime within the next year.

44. I get judged a lot.

45. I've given up on a lot and it makes me sad.

ashdkasdjasdjsa;ld. sometimes i don't even know what to do anymore. everything's so confusing ; i say that so much. but sometimes i just want to sit and cry and give up... - that sounds so pathetic,  i know but frankly i don't care. people can only take so much before they reach their breaking point. i just keep looking forward and hoping.  

and now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything

I hate thinking back on how much has changed and how much can't be the same anymore. But at the same time, it's a good thing. Things in your life go away and change so that newer things can happen. If everything in life went exactly how you wanted it too and nothing changed- everything was perfect ; you wouldn't have the 'thrill' of living. You'd already know what was going to happen. Things are always gonna change no matter how much you try and get them to stay the same. You can cry and wish all you want for this or for that- but just because you want it doesn't mean it's going to happen. And in the end, it's the memories of has beens that hurt the most. You can be sad over things that don't go as you want, but you can't let that control your life and how you act.

I know I did that for way too long.

Monster, monster.

7:57pm.
Okaaay. So I know this kinda goes back on something I said yesterday, but still.
I was at tumbling tonight, and when I was stretching there were these two little girls - maybe 9 or 10 ; they sat there and talked about this third girl who's in the class because she was excited about her tumbling. But there they sit, trash talking away right in front of this girl. And today in dance, Miss Pratt had to talk to the class because some people just sit there and talk about everyone else. I mean, what's the point in it? You can talk shit all you want, but all that's gonna happen is someone's gonna get their feelings hurt. It's most likely not gonna change the person.
But if those girls were six or seven years younger and they're talking mad shit - what are they gonna be like when they're in high school..? It's awful.

I know everyone talks shit once in a while, it's human nature. And you're a liar if you say you've never done it. But it doesn't need to be to the point where that's ALL you do.

-

ANYWAYS - today was nothing to great. But it was good :)
I'm excited for homecoming tomorrow! asjdajsajksd :D - and going out aftaaa'.

-

And on another note ;
It's really starting to hit me lately how much the choices you make really do affect your life. Sometimes change isn't the worst thing that could happen. Honestly, it's probably one of the better things...

"Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it." - gaga <3

..and fly away.

11:20-
tired... don't feel good... I wanna go home. I don't like this class and I wanna sleep. hshdjjdjdk.

more later. lunch soon!

8:32pm-

askdhaskjdkljs. today wasn't half bad. my dad's being immature as crap. i don't see the point in it. sooner or later someone's going to be the bigger person and it's not going to matter. that's why i don't get the point in drama. it's gonna get worked out in the end. it's stupid and pointless in the first place. and of course lugoff is FULL of drama. i want to get away... go somewhere new, try something else- start over. i don't even know.

i'mSOglad- i don't have to work this weekend! .. it's gonna be prettttty sweet :)

as kayla would say, today was pretty 'pissy'. she's convinced it means fun the way she uses it. SO. hahah.

and we know it's never simple, never easy.

I hate arguing. With such a great passion. It seems like I can never get away from it anymore. Whether it's my parents, or who knows - it's always there. My dad doesn't know when to stop. He has to keep pushing me and pushing me and getting the last word in. I'm supposed to learn from him and my mom, but he doesn't set a good example.. I really just want to be old enough to get out of here and to where they can't tell me what to do. I want out of Lugoff, I want to go someplace new. But I'd miss everyone too much. I don't even know what I want sometimes, anymore. Everything's so confusing and every decision I make, has so much else to think about behind it. Nothing's simple like it used to be. Nothing's easy.
All I want to do is sleep and eat. It's aksdkasjdj.

But whatever. I'm about to lay down, text, watch a movie and have some cheesecake.
More later. Maybe.



<3

You know.

So, I had my old blog on here and I haven't been on in a really long time so when I tried to long in, I didn't know any of my login stuff. And now, I have a new blog :)


I don't really have a lot to say. It's late, or early. Whichever.

I'm tired of always getting in trouble with my parents. I try and stop it, I try and control my temper - but it never seems to work out. I always break and get in trouble. And I have no door as a result. It's pretty ghetto.

I miss cheerleading.
I miss how things used to be.
I miss summertime.
I miss everything being easy.
- There's just way too much I miss right now to even get started.

But I really do hate how much things really have changed. I know I've changed, and everyone does. But things used to be so simple. It was just like this simple happiness all the time from everything. And the older I get, the harder it is to be happy sometimes. I stay busy, and I get stressed. A lot. Somethings, though... aksdjals;d.


Hahaha, today was national "give becky day"! I thought that was funny ;p

But overallll, today was pretty damn gooood. <3